Find your zen

Even before cancer, I always tried to find beauty and grace in moments both quiet and loud. Sometimes you just want to stop and snap a mental picture to bring out to either laugh again or cry. I am sure you have vivid memories that you can call up when you want to revisit that moment. Sometimes we get taken back without any effort: a song can transport you, or a random phrase.

I just wanted to share some pictures that bring me back to where we were, what we were doing.

Dad at River Rock Casino. I was goofing
with the camera filters and snapping a bunch
of pictures and he was wondering what I was doing.

Bob teasing me one Fourth of July as we
wondered who could shoot a picture faster :-)

I've always loved sunrise or sunset pictures and clouds. Look! I got both in one shot!

Enjoying my little rock waterfall and lavender candle.

Are words necessary? This instantly transports me back to Maui and my blood pressure drops in half.

Dancing at Joe Crab's Shack. We loved that place!!!

Singing in the car with Beau.

I love going to the ocean.

I wonder how many sand dollars, shells,
rocks, and driftwood I've collected over the years?

Recovery day

 I definitely needed this day of rest! It's March 18th, the day after my port went in (and also cousin Mike's birthday). I woke up early, took a Tylenol and drank 20 oz of water to help flush the drugs through. I felt ok when I sat up, but when I stood up--oh boy! The world kind of tilted and my eyes did that swirly thing. People who have ever drank too much will understand when I say "it felt like I got so drunk the night before and woke up still drunk." I wasn't nauseous, thank goodness, but my body felt like I'd just gotten off the teacups at Disneyland. I wanted to stay on top of any pain so I took the Tylenol, drank all that water and went back to bed. And next thing I knew if was 11:06.

All in all, I feel ok. I definitely feel tender in my neck area and the port site, but the rest of me feels pretty good. I sat down a little too vigorously and my port let me know it, but that's not bad at all. The IV spot on my hand is a little tender, swollen and lightly bruised, but nothing serious.

A little bit of bruising and swelling at the IV site.

I finally looked up information about the port (sometimes I just don't want to know beforehand in case I freak myself out) and well, I am glad I waited until after because I would have definitely freaked myself out. There is such a thing as too much information!

 

Oh, wait--I forgot. After I woke up at 11:06, I decided I better get dressed to help that feeling of getting back to normal. I had angled myself to look at my first biopsy site and noticed a weird bump on my arm. What the....???!! Aliens!! Seriously, I had a completely frozen, freaky moment wondering what the heck was happening to my arm. I got a good look. It's ok--you can laugh because I sure did!

I am wondering how visible this port bump is going to be once the bandages come off. Not that I am worried about the esthetics of it, but wondering if it will generate questions. Well, if it does, maybe my story will help someone. You never know.

One thing that is happening while waiting for the site to heal: I cannot get it wet. They gave me some big bandages called Aquagard to stick on. What a silly joke they pulled on me! The first time I reached above my head--zap, zip, zoop and the adhesive was failing all over the place. I ended up having to use waterproof bandages all around the edges to keep the Aquaguard in place :-p

It seemed like it would stick--but nope! It was quite
a chore to prepare for my showers while this healed.

I'll close this post with information about my chemo schedule: 

• March 24th -- a "chemo training" appointment. I have no idea what to expect.
• March 31st -- first chemo treatment out of six that consists of TCHP. This is a chemotherapy regimen used in the treatment of early-stage HER2-neu positive breast cancer.
• T – Taxotere® (docetaxel)
• C – Carboplatin
• H – Herceptin® (trastuzumab)
• P – Perjeta® (Pertuzumab)
  
  
• April 9th -- video visit with my oncologist, Dr. Jeske, to check in and go over labs.
• April 21st -- second chemo treatment out of six that consists of TCHP.
• April 30th -- video visit with my oncologist, Dr. Jeske, to check in and go over labs.
• May 12th -- third chemo treatment out of six that consists of TCHP.
• May 21st -- video visit with my oncologist, Dr. Jeske, to check in and go over labs.
• June 2nd -- fourth chemo treatment out of six that consists of TCHP.
• June 11th -- video visit with my oncologist, Dr. Jeske, to check in and go over labs.
• June 23rd -- fifth chemo treatment out of six that consists of TCHP.
• July 2nd -- video visit with my oncologist, Dr. Jeske, to check in and go over labs.
• July 14th -- sixth chemo treatment out of six that consists of TCHP.
• July 23rd -- video visit with my oncologist, Dr. Jeske, to check in and go over labs.

There will be a four to six week recovery period and then I will have surgery on both breasts. There will be an approximately six week recovery from the surgery and I will likely have radiation on the left breast. The chemo is all for the right breast; it may have some effect on the left, but that type of cancer is typically treated with radiation and hormone therapy.

And somewhere in the middle of all that recovery period, surgery and radiation, I think that I will be continuing some form of chemo. I honestly don't know the timing of that, but the TCHP infusion is for six treatments, then I drop the TC and continue with the HP only for about 8 more months. I hope that the chemo training session next week will shed light on how the HP part will continue.

A girl and her alien

On March 17th, Jim and I went to San Francisco. We left the house at 4:30 for my 7:00 check-in. The sky was just turning light as we dropped into the city.

The sky getting light over Palace of Fine Arts.

We got there no problem, easily found the patient discharge doors, and got Jim settled. Many covid restrictions are still in place so Jim could either sit in the lobby that whole time with people coming and going--oooo, his favorite thing--or he could camp out in the comfort of the car. 

I went up, got past checkpoint 1 just fine with my dandy OR pass.

I found the elevators, and made it through checkpoint 2 with my wristband.

The waiting room was really quite nice. There were frosted panels throughout that looked like they had the universe's largest flowers pressed in them, and new carpet and furniture. I got to take in for just a little too long. Because I sat there for an hour and 28 freaking minutes!!! I was totally losing my cool, I'll admit it. I was so angry--WHY do I have to check in at seven freaking a.m. if you're going to make me sit there forever??!!? Why won't my keyboard let my type an interrobang here?! Can I copy and paste an image from the internet--nope. Darn.

I tried my hardest to let these beautiful panels keep me zen
and calm, but at 58 minutes they failed to do that.

Then some dude came out at 1 hr 5 min: "Cleveland?" and I grabbed my purse. Oh no. No no no, missy, sit back down because get this--he says "I was just checking that you're out here" and he turned around and went back to wherever he'd just come from. The things that went through my mind at that point. Good thing I didn't have my bow and arrow, is all I'll say about that! Of course, I finally got called back, peed in a cup (why?), got gowned and flopped on the gurney. 

This is me just before I flopped on the gurney.

The surgical team was very nice. Actually, everyone I dealt with that day was super nice and they all wished me luck and hoped to see my soon to take out the port. Brian Bronzo was in charge of putting in the port. We had a discussion about my overall treatment plan so he decided to put the port high up on the left side. I enjoyed the benefits of "conscious sedation" and at one point was laughing, wondering what the heck they were doing (I had a drape between my face and that port site). Brian asked "what are you giggling about?" I said "I am just wondering what the heck you're doing because I thought putting in a port was delicate business and it feels like you're thumping my thoracic area pretty good. And it just struck me as funny that I am wondering if you know what you're doing!" They all laughed. But you know what? He never did answer me...

Ha! And I still don't know for sure because it's all covered by bandages!! Well, I got wheeled to a recovery room and asked the nurse for my phone. I snapped some pictures and sent this to Jim: 

My new alien baby is hiding under that bandage!!

Jim's reply? Are you a borg now? Which really freaked me out because guess what I was watching? Star Trek: The Next Generation, the episode with Hugh!!!! And I had already snapped a pic of the TV before Jim sent that reply. I sent the picture of Hug to Jim. Maybe resistance is futile...

I meant to get a picture of Picard, but it switched to Hugh
just as I snapped. Perfect timing, as it turns out, because
maybe I'm becoming a borg.

I made sure to tell everyone that I had an 11:00 appointment in cardiology for an echocardiogram. Most were like "well, you might make it," but some said "you won't make that appointment--you should call now to reschedule." Once I was wheeled into recovery, I told that nurse. And guess what he said? "They might be able to come here to you--those units are mobile." Seriously? So he went to check and along came Julio with the rolling cart filled with echocardiogram equipment! Hallelujah!!

Here comes Julio!

Hooked up to the machine.

Hey, that's my heart up there!

Julio ended up not totally happy with the images so he went to get orders for contrast injection. Then he and the nurse got that done and I was on my way. Thank goodness because I was starving by that point! Jim made it just fine to the patient discharge area and off we went to Chinatown. It was so great to eat inside the restaurant!!! It feels like it has been a VERY long time since we got to be inside Hunan Homes. Everything tasted so good that I had to order extra to go!!

Jim and I at Hunan Homes in Chinatown.

While we were eating, I got a great message from Barry. Spot on, Barry!! Thank you for that message!

I tried to nap in the back, but was just too uncomfortable
so I climbed back to the front. Good thing we
were in stop-and-go traffic in wonky Novato area!

While we were driving home, I was cleaning out email messages. There was a message from Sutter saying I had new test results. Hmmm, I didn't realize I had any outstanding tests. So I logged in to check out these results. Ha ha haaaaaa!!! I laughed so hard that I snorted!!!

A quiver full of dreams

Finally!! It finally happened! Phone calls and voice mails and stuff appearing in my health app. Last Thursday I got the plan of attack. The waiting is over. I know this does not mean it gets easier. I know it's going to be hard and that there will be some serious soul-searching as I wonder why the hell I was so impatient to get going. But man--the waiting was so mentally wearying. 

We got the ball rolling quick once I made it clear that "you tell me where to be and when and I'll be there!" They were terribly worried about my commute from Lakeport to San Francisco, but I told them "heck, I been driving for a LONG time to get anywhere from here and I LOVE San Francisco, so bring it on!" So they did.

Chemo will begin on March 31st. But before that can happen, I need a port. But before that can happen, I need lab work and a covid test. On Saturday, March 13, I went to San Francisco to get the lab work done and the covid test. That all went just fine. The nurse was impressed with my veins. She said she was so lucky to have so many choices. You get the good news where you can, right?

Then I did something unplanned, but I needed an appointment to do it. My appointment wasn't until 4:00, so I went and had sushi for lunch, then napped in the car for a couple of hours. You get your sleep when you can, right?

YUMM!!! Sake maki, tempura roll, hotate nigiri. So delicious!

Dinner that night was in Rohnert Park. I was hungry for pho so I yelped a place. The lighted jars were really pretty on the table, but it was way to freaking cold for patio dining! Made it kind of hard to enjoy my food. You know me, though--I persevered and made the best of it.

On Sunday, Danny Shupe came over and installed a new toilet--hooray!!!

I also got a new mug from Beau! It's super cute--looks like a stack of four donuts. I did enjoy dunking my biscotti into my donut mug :-)

Are you wondering what happened at that 4:00 appointment? I did not forget. I saved this for last. I made an appointment at Pacifica Archery and bought a bow and arrows!! That was quite an education as I got fitted for the right length bow, tested different draw weights, got my draw length measured and set up for the proper length arrows. So here I am with my recurve arrow and my arrows in their little quiver. I cannot wait to find a range or a place to do field archery. So excited about this!!

Random bits as I continue to wait

Here are some random bits and pieces as I continue to wait for the latest biopsy results and get the plan of attack.

 

I cracked up when I saw this sign in San Francisco.
Must take Dan Shupe--he loves eggs benedict.

Gotta enjoy this hair while I've got it!

Taking advantage of this beautiful weather.

It snowed again in mid March!! This is looking north toward Snow Mountain.

I hope you're learning something on
this journey with me. Thank you for being here!

A girl and her song

I found that working on this blog was helping quite a bit to relieve mental stress. I also know that music is really where my heart and soul are so I asked my cousin T how he makes the fun videos he puts on Instagram. Turns out it's iMovie on my iPhone so I got busy checking it out. Well, it turns out that the toughest part was keeping the number of pix down!!!

Back in February, T had a song on Instagram that I fell in love with. I've used it as background for this effort and share it with you. I've adopted "Hold On Tight" by Aloe Blacc as my support song. I hope you enjoy it.

Glen Eden Trail

It was a glorious day on March 7th and I wanted to move so Jim took me to Glen Eden Trail. Ummm, I didn't want to move that much! But I pulled myself together and did it. We got .48 mile up, took a break (and some pictures), then I thought it would be best to head back. Good thing--my legs got pretty shaky coming back down. Ha! We got to the car and I had .96 mile showing on my app so I had to march around in the parking lot to get to a mile. 

At .48 mile, the turn-around point for me as I was tired.
I had to sit for a minute while Jim went to check out a different viewpoint.

Sitting and catching my breath :-)

This stump is burned. There many downed trees.

Some pretty red flowers pushing their way through winter detritus.

This tree didn't snap apart so it made a cool upside-down v shape.

After the hike, I decided to go pick up my olive oil from Chacewater. I enjoyed a selection of oils and wines AND bumped into Ash and Al. What a terrific surprise!

A selection of oils and one balsamic vinegar.

Feeling good!

Waiting...again

 The weird thing about this process has been that hurry-up-and-wait feeling. The sense of urgency to figure things out is tangible, but you have to wait for openings to go in, for equipment to be available and lab tests to do their thing.

When I had my first biopsies, I went back to work the next day. Mistake. I was so tired and sore. This time I took the day off. Way better! I napped when I felt like it and generally loafed around on the couch. The soreness was markedly less this time.

Icing the sites to keep bruising down.

What I can't control is the reaction to adhesive that I have developed. What a drag to wake up and find your skin starting to blister and itch. At least this time it didn't go under all the adhesive--it was confined this time to the top part of the steri-strips. 

The photo to the left shows the reaction as of March 3. I had a bit of reaction along the bottom of the bandage, but the painful part was at the top.

The photo to the right is from March 11. I had Ashley keep an eye on the biopsy site--as soon as it was deemed "closed" I got rid of the bandaids. I kept it cleaned, but once the bandage came off I saw marked improvement.

Here I am getting through that small pain. Hopefully you never get adhesive reaction!!